I can see the future...and it shall be.

I spend a lot of time visualizing. In fact, I had it down to an art at a very very early age, due to lack of stimulation, boredom and just plain depression. I used to visualize all kind of crazy stuff, from being a rock-star to a ninja assassin, a bakery owner to a super-rich celebrity. I would dream up fantasies in my head and escape the real world and it was comforting. Most of the time though, I visualize just a regular happy life. Mundane details that make me happy and feel secure. Like being able to have a routine. Any kind of routine would be nice, but in order to have one and really keep it, your life has to have some kind of predictability in it, and mine almost never has. It's quite tiring.

So now that I'm essentially turning over a new leaf, I am going to resolve to form healthy routines. It's going to be my new path to stability and having a functional life. I also think it's incredibly important to establish routines for my kid, too. It's a form of comfort and security, something that I never really had and knowing the value of it now, will provide to my kid as a #1 priority.

First off, a routine that facilitates a healthy life. I'm going to take Bibi for a 15 minute walk every morning, wearing my toning sneakers and listening to whatever kind of relaxing music I feel like listening to that day. I love the Gayatri Mantra but sometimes it's so powerful I get too emotional and I can't have some kind of emotional release while I'm trying to walk the dog. So maybe just some Bach or Mozart. I also really need to get a handle on my vitamins. Ugh I hate them but it's not an option anymore, they are a requirement. I am also going to join the YMCA or a gym so I can go swimming and maybe take an exercise class now and then.

Secondly, I need to really work on doing something I enjoy on a regular basis. I haven't been able to keep a hobby in a long time. I love pottery but it's expensive. Gardening is too time consuming and can get expensive, too. I think I am going to plunge myself into sewing, because I have a machine, a collection of patterns, and a bunch of fabric that I've just been hauling around just in case one day I have the time and inclination to sew. Besides, I have baby stuff to make now!

Thirdly, and this is gonna be tough cause I'm super lazy, but I need to really pamper myself with a beauty regimen, too. There are women out there who get their hair and nails done on a weekly basis and I barely wash my face on a regular basis. I'm going to really try to take care of my skin, hair and nails better, so I can look good and feel better about myself.

Once the baby gets here, I will have no choice but to establish a feeding/sleeping schedule. I'm not going to force one, but I think it's important to foster good habits like breakfast in the morning, walks regularly and bedtime.

So that's what I'm going to aim for, security, comfort & stability with routines. I'll do more research on this subject, too of course! I love the internet & books!

1st Prenatal appointment was exciting!

This morning Chris and I head to the midwife's practice for our first prenatal appointment. It was a bit busy in the office so we were waiting for about half an hour before I got to see the midwife. In the waiting room, there were 5 or 6 other pregnant women. One lady was so pregnant her stomach literally looked like a beach ball and her shirt just hung like a curtain in front of her belly. I realized at that moment that I will be like that soon and I had a feeling of desperate fear wash over me for a second. Chris saw the look on my face and laughed at me!

But revenge was soon to be mine! The nurse called us back to the exam room and there we met a very nice lady named Margaret who's been a midwife in Atlanta since 1978. She asked me a bunch of family history questions and then asked me to put on a gown so she could give me a pelvic exam and pap smear. Chris wanted to leave the room at this point but I made him stay while she put my legs in stirrups and shined a spotlight right onto my lady parts. If you think this made me uncomfortable, poor Chris was squirming in his seat, trying to look everywhere else but at me. At one point I saw him looking down at the floor and whistling to himself. It was great, I got a nice chuckle out of his awkwardness. He was as nervous as a kid in the principal's office.

So once that part of the exam was over, Margaret got the Dopplar radar out to listen to the baby's heartbeat. The gel she put on the radar wand was really really cold and when she first put it on me, it tickled so bad I got into a giggling fit, which made the radar scratch like a broken record. I almost couldn't stop laughing, but then after a minute my laughter turned into tears cause I was realizing so many things at once. First of all, I was actually going to hear the baby's heartbeat, which made the whole situation so very real. Secondly, I was just plain happy I was going to have a baby and that was a bit overwhelming. Then, after it took a few minutes of her searching, I got scared that she wouldn't find a heartbeat and I had to close my eyes shut and try real hard not to cry. I saw a worried look on Chris's face for a moment, but then there it was...a really tiny but fast heartbeat. I must have been grinning from ear to ear. The first thing the midwife said was "Sounds like a boy!" which made us grin even bigger.

So yeah, that whole experience was pretty amazing. Even though I don't have a recording of the heartbeat, I don't think I'll ever forget the way it sounded.