I never really liked it in the first place. I'm not a frilly girly person who thinks everyone gives a shit about me and what's going on in my life. I made this blog for friends & family to keep updated and in touch with but that was a pipe dream as well. Well, except for one particular buddy who reminded me that she in fact, DOES give a shit. LOL. Anyways, yeah this blog was bland and really watered down and just plain not me so it's going bye-bye. For those of you who did check in and read it, thank you. I appreciate your genuine interest.
I have been keeping a pregnancy journal that I write in pretty often, and I may transfer it to a new blog, and keep that up just for my own personal use. I hate watering down my true thoughts and feeling to appease everyone (something I've always done and has gotten me absolutely nowhere). If you would like an invitation to read that blog, just let me know and I will hook you up. Be warned, though - you may NOT like what you read, and I honestly don't give a fuck so ask at your own risk.
I'll post one last baby update here and then it's lights out.
I'm about 34 weeks along. I say "about" because my due date was changed back again to Dec. 18, kind of at my own request because I didn't want to be bullied into an induction just because of my so-called due date. I would rather be "early" and actually on time than be "late" but actually early....if that made any sense.
I've gained 40 lbs. People say I look small for as pregnant as I am and while that makes me feel a little better, I know the real number and it ain't cute. 40 lbs is a lot. Not a whole lot, but more than I should have gained and I still have a month and a half to go. I think - no - I know I ate too much sugary shit. I did it with reckless abandon and a sense of entitlement with a healthy dose of self-pity on the side. That's OK because I really do plan on and believe that I will lose the weight and maybe even be healthier after Waylon is born. My vitals have been perfect my entire pregnancy so just being a little chubbier is not that big of a deal.
Speaking of Waylon, he is an active little feller. He has definite periods of rest and playtime. Usually he really likes to play right when I'm settling in for bed and I have to lay there and wait it out. He's doing his baby aerobics or something - feels like he's performing a broadway musical and my belly jumps and rolls for a good hour. Sometimes I swear it feels like he's looking for the way out.
I'll be starting my weekly appointments the second week of November. Baby will be full-term in 3 weeks so I could pop him out anytime after then and he would be perfectly OK. Well, even if he came out now, he'd be fine. I went over my all-natural birth plan with my midwife and everything is a GO. Yes, I AM doing this all-natural, not because I am naive, brainwashed, a hippie, or anything other than being informed. I don't give a flying fuck whether or not anyone thinks I am silly for doing it or if they think I can't. That just means YOU are ignorant and weak. Roll your eyes, see if I care.
Well, that's about it for baby updates. Everything else is personal and offensive. Good-bye!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
It's a boy!
I'm writing this 2 days after finding out the baby's gender but better late than never I suppose. I had all but abandoned this blog because it just seems like a waste of time but then I decided it would be nice to just keep it as a personal pregnancy diary to look back on later.
My first ultrasound was Tuesday, Aug 9. I was very excited about it up until about the day before when I suddenly got just really worried. I didn't expect that to happen. I couldn't sleep a wink the night before, I felt like I was waiting for Santa Claus to come give me a final exam or something. Nervous, nervous & excited, what a stressful mix of emotions. Anyways, I was worried the doc would tell me that the baby had a deformity and I would have to deal with a disabled child for the rest of my life.
Chris had to work so he couldn't come with me. I pretty much had nobody to go with, so I called Nana and asked her if she wanted to come. She did. Which made me feel sooooooo much better. I don't think I couldn't handled any bad news on my own, not with all the other shit going on right now. I cried on the way to pick up Nana, I was so damn scared. But she made me feel better. It sucks how when life beats you down, you lose all your confidence and don't even realize it until you're a mess. Luckily, Nana is a strong lady and it rubbed off on me just enough to act normal for my ultrasound appointment.
The office was empty. We had virtually no wait. Nana and I chatted about girly things like pap smears and having babies. She told me how fast her births went, it seemed like it was easy peasy for her. Then we got called in and the girl had me lay on the table and squirted cold gel on my stomach and went right to business. It was cool cause they had a flat screen TV on the wall and we watched the amazing video of the baby.
First of all, I was struck by how well defined the baby was. You could clearly make out the head, belly, spine, arms, legs, feet and hands were all there and clearly defined. I could even see the mouth and nose and eyes! Right off the bat, though - we got the money shot and the technician quickly asked if I wanted to know the baby's gender. I sure did! It was a boy! I honestly thought I would break down and cry no matter what gender I was told but to my surprise I was just plain HAPPY. No tears.
I didn't wanna say anything out loud, but I saw the penis and thought, OMG - is it supposed to be that big already? Highly inapporpriate, I know but still, I know his daddy would have been proud if he saw that. So the little feller didn't really want to be examined and everytime the tech got a good shot of him, he would turn over. He was stretched out from one side of my stomach to the other. She measured his head, heart, arms & legs. I saw his cute little feet together on one end and his fists up by his head at the other end. He almost looked as if he was lounging in bed, like Chris does, with his head reasting on his arm. He is perfectly healthy. Had all his parts in working order, with a strong heartbeat. He weighs 1 lb. 1 oz at 22 weeks and 1 day old.
That was the other news - I was actually further along than previously thought. We originally had a due date of Dec. 19th and I thought I would probably have a cusp or christmas baby. But our due date is now Dec. 12th. Waylon is in the 80th percentile which Vicki found out means that he is bigger than 80 out of 100 babies and smaller than 20. So he is a very good size and not underweight. LOL not MY baby - there's no chance of my baby being underweight as long as I'm around.
I was so damn happy. I was trying not to grin like a fool. I was even happier cause I knew Chris would be really happy it was a boy, that's what we both wanted very badly. I thought about torturing Chris a bit and making him wait until after work to tell him the gender but he called me while Nana and I were having lunch. He sounded rushed and told me his phone was dying (should have charged it the night before big news, but he's just not that thoughtful). I told him I forgot to ask what the gender of the baby was and he was like, Dammit woman, tell me what the baby is! I told him it was a boy - he got what he wanted. Immediately I oculd hear his voice got all choked up and I thought he was going to start crying but then he quickly got off the phone saying he had to go...
That made me even happier. Chris was so happy he got all emotional at work LOL!! I am so glad that I could break such wonderful news to him, the kind of news that overshadows anything bad for a while and brighten up his day.
I brought home the ultrasound photos and the DVD (which was disappointingly short) and told Chris all about the ultrasound. He is a proud papa. We are very very happy. Chris spent the rest of the evening telling all his friends and family all about it.
So, now officially - little Waylon James Thomas Harmon is waiting to be born.
My first ultrasound was Tuesday, Aug 9. I was very excited about it up until about the day before when I suddenly got just really worried. I didn't expect that to happen. I couldn't sleep a wink the night before, I felt like I was waiting for Santa Claus to come give me a final exam or something. Nervous, nervous & excited, what a stressful mix of emotions. Anyways, I was worried the doc would tell me that the baby had a deformity and I would have to deal with a disabled child for the rest of my life.
Chris had to work so he couldn't come with me. I pretty much had nobody to go with, so I called Nana and asked her if she wanted to come. She did. Which made me feel sooooooo much better. I don't think I couldn't handled any bad news on my own, not with all the other shit going on right now. I cried on the way to pick up Nana, I was so damn scared. But she made me feel better. It sucks how when life beats you down, you lose all your confidence and don't even realize it until you're a mess. Luckily, Nana is a strong lady and it rubbed off on me just enough to act normal for my ultrasound appointment.
The office was empty. We had virtually no wait. Nana and I chatted about girly things like pap smears and having babies. She told me how fast her births went, it seemed like it was easy peasy for her. Then we got called in and the girl had me lay on the table and squirted cold gel on my stomach and went right to business. It was cool cause they had a flat screen TV on the wall and we watched the amazing video of the baby.
First of all, I was struck by how well defined the baby was. You could clearly make out the head, belly, spine, arms, legs, feet and hands were all there and clearly defined. I could even see the mouth and nose and eyes! Right off the bat, though - we got the money shot and the technician quickly asked if I wanted to know the baby's gender. I sure did! It was a boy! I honestly thought I would break down and cry no matter what gender I was told but to my surprise I was just plain HAPPY. No tears.
I didn't wanna say anything out loud, but I saw the penis and thought, OMG - is it supposed to be that big already? Highly inapporpriate, I know but still, I know his daddy would have been proud if he saw that. So the little feller didn't really want to be examined and everytime the tech got a good shot of him, he would turn over. He was stretched out from one side of my stomach to the other. She measured his head, heart, arms & legs. I saw his cute little feet together on one end and his fists up by his head at the other end. He almost looked as if he was lounging in bed, like Chris does, with his head reasting on his arm. He is perfectly healthy. Had all his parts in working order, with a strong heartbeat. He weighs 1 lb. 1 oz at 22 weeks and 1 day old.
That was the other news - I was actually further along than previously thought. We originally had a due date of Dec. 19th and I thought I would probably have a cusp or christmas baby. But our due date is now Dec. 12th. Waylon is in the 80th percentile which Vicki found out means that he is bigger than 80 out of 100 babies and smaller than 20. So he is a very good size and not underweight. LOL not MY baby - there's no chance of my baby being underweight as long as I'm around.
I was so damn happy. I was trying not to grin like a fool. I was even happier cause I knew Chris would be really happy it was a boy, that's what we both wanted very badly. I thought about torturing Chris a bit and making him wait until after work to tell him the gender but he called me while Nana and I were having lunch. He sounded rushed and told me his phone was dying (should have charged it the night before big news, but he's just not that thoughtful). I told him I forgot to ask what the gender of the baby was and he was like, Dammit woman, tell me what the baby is! I told him it was a boy - he got what he wanted. Immediately I oculd hear his voice got all choked up and I thought he was going to start crying but then he quickly got off the phone saying he had to go...
That made me even happier. Chris was so happy he got all emotional at work LOL!! I am so glad that I could break such wonderful news to him, the kind of news that overshadows anything bad for a while and brighten up his day.
I brought home the ultrasound photos and the DVD (which was disappointingly short) and told Chris all about the ultrasound. He is a proud papa. We are very very happy. Chris spent the rest of the evening telling all his friends and family all about it.
So, now officially - little Waylon James Thomas Harmon is waiting to be born.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Steady Beat
My first prenatal appointment in Texas was pretty quick and painless. I was in a grouchy mood that day, had to fix the tire on the Mazda at the last minute, then go straight to work after the appointment. I was not looking forward to a pelvic exam in between all that but luckily one wasn't necessary. I just basically spoke to the midwife (who coincidentally just moved from Atlanta) and listened to the baby's heartbeat on Doppler. This time I didn't break down crying, thank god, but it was still thrilling to hear. It was a steady, strong beat at 140 bpm. I now weigh 183 lbs, up 18 pounds since getting pregnant.
I do have to wait 3 more weeks for my ultrasound, on August 9th. If we bring $5 we can have a dvd made of the ultrasound, which I really want to get. It will be my very first ultrasound, after all. Can't wait to find out what we are having!
I've been having muscle spasms under my right eye for the past few days which is driving me absolutely batshit. I also got a wicked sunburn from working outside on a roofing project with Chris, which made sleeping quite uncomfortable. I am feeling the baby move more often, sometimes it kicks me quite rudely and I want to thump it back! I can't even imagine what it'll be like getting kicked by a 6 lb baby from the inside, it'll probably hurt!
I do have to wait 3 more weeks for my ultrasound, on August 9th. If we bring $5 we can have a dvd made of the ultrasound, which I really want to get. It will be my very first ultrasound, after all. Can't wait to find out what we are having!
I've been having muscle spasms under my right eye for the past few days which is driving me absolutely batshit. I also got a wicked sunburn from working outside on a roofing project with Chris, which made sleeping quite uncomfortable. I am feeling the baby move more often, sometimes it kicks me quite rudely and I want to thump it back! I can't even imagine what it'll be like getting kicked by a 6 lb baby from the inside, it'll probably hurt!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
It's ALIVE!!
I felt the baby move for the first time! It happened early Tuesday morning, as I was waking up. Usually when I wake up, I am semi-conscious for a little while before I finally drag my butt out of bed. I was kind of laying on my stomach, thinking about getting up when I felt the funniest fluttery kind of movement right under my belly button. It made me laugh out loud! It gave me the mental image of a little midget doing bicycle pedaling motions up the inside wall of my uterus. When I laughed out loud, Chris asked me what was so funny and I told him I felt the baby move and he didn't really say much to that, I think he thinks I'm just being goofy or something. But whatever, it made me laugh and feel good for a while. Later on that day I thought I felt the same kind of movement, but this time off to my left side a little bit so I'm not entirely sure it was the baby, but it felt like the same fluttery pedaling kick. However, since then I haven't felt anything. I have a feeling though that this is going to be a morning baby.
And I'm seriously considering the name Miyong if it's a girl. Her nickname will be Miya. Middle name may possibly be Destiny (Chris's idea). I think it's kind of tacky but whatever, I'm not entirely opposed to it. One of the names that was real popular with my name poll is Jocelyn. I'm not entirely sold on it yet though. It may have to grow on me for a while. I still like the name Melody, too...hmmm..
And I'm seriously considering the name Miyong if it's a girl. Her nickname will be Miya. Middle name may possibly be Destiny (Chris's idea). I think it's kind of tacky but whatever, I'm not entirely opposed to it. One of the names that was real popular with my name poll is Jocelyn. I'm not entirely sold on it yet though. It may have to grow on me for a while. I still like the name Melody, too...hmmm..
Monday, July 4, 2011
Haven't had much time or access to the Internet lately but since today is July 4th and we got the house to ourselves I thought I'd take some time to update. Chris has been working his butt off but since we are so broke it seems like we just can't get ahead. But we are pushing along anyways. I finally got a job offer as a front desk clerk at La Quinta Inns, which is minimum wage but definitely better than nothing. I'll be working 3 days a week, 8 hour shifts. It's gonna be tricky getting us both back and forth to work with one car but we will manage. I'm just really really happy to have a job!
I've been mostly doing administrative stuff for me and Chris lately. The kind of stuff that I never get any credit for but the world probably just wouldn't turn without it. I've also been doing more relaxing "me" kind of stuff, too like taking free prenatal yoga classes at Destination Maternity, going to the library (to do research on jobs, childbirth, parenting, local businesses, etc) and visiting Chris's family (and falling asleep on their couches). I got Chris a free new pair of glasses since he broke his. I've been clipping coupons like crazy and trying to save every dime I can. I found places we can take our car to get fixed for a good deal. I also found a midwife in San Antonio that accepts Medicaid and will deliver my baby at St. Luke's Baptist Hospital. I'm going to arrange a tour at the hospital as soon as I can. I've also found a bunch of free events that involve the baby or getting to know the area better. Basically, if it's free - I'm there.
I've been devouring books on childbirth and parenting and health and nutrition. I'm collecting recipes and tips like a packrat. I have notes that I keep in my little notebook on everything from household budgets to make-ahead freezer meals and everything domestic in-between. I just can't wait until Chris and I can get a place (however modest) on our own so I can get ready for the baby.
My sister sent me an awesome book on natural healing remedies and nutrition for the baby. I've already read half the book. Chris's mom gave me a copy of What to Expect when you're expecting book and I have a couple other books I got from the library. I'm preparing myself as best I can without going to actual childbirth classes (because those aren't free).
I have gotten the reaction I expected from those who I have told that I am trying for a natural childbirth. It seems that everyone thinks that childbirth is incredibly painful and must be anesthetized. Well, duh - childbirth IS painful, I'm not going into this thinking there will be no pain. But I'm pretty confident that I can handle it. It may sound naive, but I know my body is designed to do it and I trust that. I think that the pain of natural birth is worth the payoff of a healthy baby and unless things go incredibly wrong, I owe it to myself and my baby to do it as naturally as possible. The only thing I can't really avoid is the circumcision procedure if we end up with a boy. Chris and I both agree that he will be circumcised even though I really hate to put the poor baby through that. But that is a compromise I will make. In exchange, I will do my best to prevent him (or her) from having a forceps or vacuum delivery and being all doped up on meds. I also plan to breastfeed, and hopefully I will be able to do that successfully. I had no idea that it could be complicated and difficult but even if it is trying, I will do my best to breastfeed my kid without using formula.
In the meantime, I am just trying to be extra vigilant with my diet and vitamins, even though I am such a total slacker. I know I eat too many sweets, and haven't been taking my calcium and iron like I should. I'm also probably drinking more caffeine than I should. Bad bad me. I'm trying, I really am.
Well, hopefully once I start my job this week we can actually start putting away some money towards an apartment. We figure it will cost us around $2200.00 to get started with a new place, after deposits & utilities, etc. I really really hope we can get a place by September. We just have to, otherwise I think we'll both go crazy!
I've been mostly doing administrative stuff for me and Chris lately. The kind of stuff that I never get any credit for but the world probably just wouldn't turn without it. I've also been doing more relaxing "me" kind of stuff, too like taking free prenatal yoga classes at Destination Maternity, going to the library (to do research on jobs, childbirth, parenting, local businesses, etc) and visiting Chris's family (and falling asleep on their couches). I got Chris a free new pair of glasses since he broke his. I've been clipping coupons like crazy and trying to save every dime I can. I found places we can take our car to get fixed for a good deal. I also found a midwife in San Antonio that accepts Medicaid and will deliver my baby at St. Luke's Baptist Hospital. I'm going to arrange a tour at the hospital as soon as I can. I've also found a bunch of free events that involve the baby or getting to know the area better. Basically, if it's free - I'm there.
I've been devouring books on childbirth and parenting and health and nutrition. I'm collecting recipes and tips like a packrat. I have notes that I keep in my little notebook on everything from household budgets to make-ahead freezer meals and everything domestic in-between. I just can't wait until Chris and I can get a place (however modest) on our own so I can get ready for the baby.
My sister sent me an awesome book on natural healing remedies and nutrition for the baby. I've already read half the book. Chris's mom gave me a copy of What to Expect when you're expecting book and I have a couple other books I got from the library. I'm preparing myself as best I can without going to actual childbirth classes (because those aren't free).
I have gotten the reaction I expected from those who I have told that I am trying for a natural childbirth. It seems that everyone thinks that childbirth is incredibly painful and must be anesthetized. Well, duh - childbirth IS painful, I'm not going into this thinking there will be no pain. But I'm pretty confident that I can handle it. It may sound naive, but I know my body is designed to do it and I trust that. I think that the pain of natural birth is worth the payoff of a healthy baby and unless things go incredibly wrong, I owe it to myself and my baby to do it as naturally as possible. The only thing I can't really avoid is the circumcision procedure if we end up with a boy. Chris and I both agree that he will be circumcised even though I really hate to put the poor baby through that. But that is a compromise I will make. In exchange, I will do my best to prevent him (or her) from having a forceps or vacuum delivery and being all doped up on meds. I also plan to breastfeed, and hopefully I will be able to do that successfully. I had no idea that it could be complicated and difficult but even if it is trying, I will do my best to breastfeed my kid without using formula.
In the meantime, I am just trying to be extra vigilant with my diet and vitamins, even though I am such a total slacker. I know I eat too many sweets, and haven't been taking my calcium and iron like I should. I'm also probably drinking more caffeine than I should. Bad bad me. I'm trying, I really am.
Well, hopefully once I start my job this week we can actually start putting away some money towards an apartment. We figure it will cost us around $2200.00 to get started with a new place, after deposits & utilities, etc. I really really hope we can get a place by September. We just have to, otherwise I think we'll both go crazy!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Texas, finally!
Well, it's been a few days since we got into Texas and this is the first time I've really had a chance to get online. It was very scary when we got onto the road leaving Atlanta with my 1997 Mazda MPV Sport loaded down and hitched to a 5 x 8 u-haul trailer. We did do one smart thing: we got a nice, custom trailer hitch for the Mazda. What we messed up on was taking the chance that the old cruddy tires on the Mazda would take us 1,000 miles hauling probably about 5,000 lbs. It was a little nerve wracking to say the least, when I pulled out onto the road and it felt like the car just didn't have the strength to go. But it did. We were so tense leaving Atlanta, I honestly didn't think we were gonna make it. I expected to get into a huge wreck and be stranded in the middle of nowhere. I had a death grip on the wheel the entire way to Texas, so my whole body was just tense as a bowstring.
We thought we were home-free when we stopped in Montgomery, Alabama. It was our first planned long rest stop, which we rested for a good 20 minutes before we got too anxious to wait any longer. I couldn't drive the Mazda any faster than 60 mph, had to put it down a gear just to make it up a hill at 45 mph. Then, just when we started to relax a little with a little hope that we might actually make it, the rear passenger tire gave out with a bang and I had to pull over to the side of I-65, about 30 miles south of Montgomery.
I have a AAA Plus membership (Auto Club South) that didn't really do us much good. They could tow us, but they couldn't take us to anyplace that was open and could fix our tire. They also couldn't bring us a tire and fix it for us either. They couldn't tow our trailer (which Chris was not about to leave on the side of the interstate), so they were pretty much useless to our situation. Luckily, the AAA customer service girl looked up a local tire service shop in Montgomery that could come out and fix our tire, but they weren't covered by AAA so it would be entirely out of pocket. We had no choice. I called up Black's Tire Service and they came out in about an hour with two new back tires for us. The guys that came out were pretty backwoods, but they got the job done and we were grateful. And now broke.
Other than that, we made it to San Antonio with just a drop of gas left in our tank and throughly exhausted. But we made it, and we were finally happy and relieved. Even though I am still exhausted 3 days later, I feel like a new person and I am so much happier! We are staying with my brother-in-law until we find a place and it's been nice getting here while my nieces are here visiting their father. We spent last night at Chris's sisters house in Boerne and it was very nice to see how happy Chris was to see his family again after a year of being away. His nieces were excited about meeting Bibi and the cat, which we left the cat with them. We also visited with Chris's mom, who was happy to see her son and me again. It was all a very nice welcome home!
I don't really have a lot of time and access to the internet at the moment so I wont be blogging very much for the time being so the posts may get a little sparse, but I will update as much as I can.
About the pregnancy; hopefully I didn't permanently screw up my kid from all the caffeine I consumed on the way here, but it sure is growing cause I am getting FAT!!!
We thought we were home-free when we stopped in Montgomery, Alabama. It was our first planned long rest stop, which we rested for a good 20 minutes before we got too anxious to wait any longer. I couldn't drive the Mazda any faster than 60 mph, had to put it down a gear just to make it up a hill at 45 mph. Then, just when we started to relax a little with a little hope that we might actually make it, the rear passenger tire gave out with a bang and I had to pull over to the side of I-65, about 30 miles south of Montgomery.
I have a AAA Plus membership (Auto Club South) that didn't really do us much good. They could tow us, but they couldn't take us to anyplace that was open and could fix our tire. They also couldn't bring us a tire and fix it for us either. They couldn't tow our trailer (which Chris was not about to leave on the side of the interstate), so they were pretty much useless to our situation. Luckily, the AAA customer service girl looked up a local tire service shop in Montgomery that could come out and fix our tire, but they weren't covered by AAA so it would be entirely out of pocket. We had no choice. I called up Black's Tire Service and they came out in about an hour with two new back tires for us. The guys that came out were pretty backwoods, but they got the job done and we were grateful. And now broke.
Other than that, we made it to San Antonio with just a drop of gas left in our tank and throughly exhausted. But we made it, and we were finally happy and relieved. Even though I am still exhausted 3 days later, I feel like a new person and I am so much happier! We are staying with my brother-in-law until we find a place and it's been nice getting here while my nieces are here visiting their father. We spent last night at Chris's sisters house in Boerne and it was very nice to see how happy Chris was to see his family again after a year of being away. His nieces were excited about meeting Bibi and the cat, which we left the cat with them. We also visited with Chris's mom, who was happy to see her son and me again. It was all a very nice welcome home!
I don't really have a lot of time and access to the internet at the moment so I wont be blogging very much for the time being so the posts may get a little sparse, but I will update as much as I can.
About the pregnancy; hopefully I didn't permanently screw up my kid from all the caffeine I consumed on the way here, but it sure is growing cause I am getting FAT!!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Super Hectic last days
Just got home from doing a ton of last minute stuff around town. We are so exhausted but I am soooo happy I got to see my friends Liz, Crispin & Millie and my sister one last time before we left. Liz cooked us a full gourmet meal of baked chicken, salad, buttery garlicky mussels, sourdough bread and an ice cream cake to celebrate Crispin's birthday. Oh, and 4 whole heads of roasted elephant garlic to smear on everything!! It was a fabulous meal, and I am so glad we got to share it. She also let me make rice crispy treats and bake cookies in her kitchen for our road trip to Texas.
I had my phone interview with Texas Medicaid and the very friendly gentleman said i was all signed up and ready to go with my benefits going active on July 1st. Yippee!! Being pro-active really pays off, and it's a survival necessity in this day and age. The only problem is, he needs copies of my birth certificate (which I don't have), my Social Security card (which I don't have), my Georgia Medicaid termination letter (which I don't have - yet), and my pregnancy verification form (which I actually have!!). So we went downtown to the Health Dept. to get my birth certificate right before they closed and of course it wasn't that easy. She had my certificate in her hand but wouldn't give it to me because my last name changed from my stepfather's surname to my mother's surname. Which only made me angrier at my mom for wanting me to have her surname after I graduated from college. Oh yes, up until I proved myself it was OK for me to have his last name, but she's got to cash in on some of that prestige once I became an "architect".
So that's gonna be a hassle. But I can handle it, hopefully.
I felt fat and ugly all day, Its because I've barely had time to wash my face today after all the packing, loading and running errands. It was nice to take a break and hang out in the middle of it all, though. I am really gonna miss my friends and my sister.
My mom took a quick dig at me when Chris stopped in to get some cash from her so we could pay for gas and a birth certificate. She said something like she couldn't believe her daughter was on welfare. Which I'm not. It's insurance. Whatever, she can take all the digs she wants it wont affect me anymore.
So.. tomorrow we head out. Hopefully the earlier the better. I have to go to the WIC office and do a few last minute things and clean. Then it's off to Texas with the Beep, Meow, Papa & Me.
I had my phone interview with Texas Medicaid and the very friendly gentleman said i was all signed up and ready to go with my benefits going active on July 1st. Yippee!! Being pro-active really pays off, and it's a survival necessity in this day and age. The only problem is, he needs copies of my birth certificate (which I don't have), my Social Security card (which I don't have), my Georgia Medicaid termination letter (which I don't have - yet), and my pregnancy verification form (which I actually have!!). So we went downtown to the Health Dept. to get my birth certificate right before they closed and of course it wasn't that easy. She had my certificate in her hand but wouldn't give it to me because my last name changed from my stepfather's surname to my mother's surname. Which only made me angrier at my mom for wanting me to have her surname after I graduated from college. Oh yes, up until I proved myself it was OK for me to have his last name, but she's got to cash in on some of that prestige once I became an "architect".
So that's gonna be a hassle. But I can handle it, hopefully.
I felt fat and ugly all day, Its because I've barely had time to wash my face today after all the packing, loading and running errands. It was nice to take a break and hang out in the middle of it all, though. I am really gonna miss my friends and my sister.
My mom took a quick dig at me when Chris stopped in to get some cash from her so we could pay for gas and a birth certificate. She said something like she couldn't believe her daughter was on welfare. Which I'm not. It's insurance. Whatever, she can take all the digs she wants it wont affect me anymore.
So.. tomorrow we head out. Hopefully the earlier the better. I have to go to the WIC office and do a few last minute things and clean. Then it's off to Texas with the Beep, Meow, Papa & Me.
Friday, June 10, 2011
I can see the future...and it shall be.
I spend a lot of time visualizing. In fact, I had it down to an art at a very very early age, due to lack of stimulation, boredom and just plain depression. I used to visualize all kind of crazy stuff, from being a rock-star to a ninja assassin, a bakery owner to a super-rich celebrity. I would dream up fantasies in my head and escape the real world and it was comforting. Most of the time though, I visualize just a regular happy life. Mundane details that make me happy and feel secure. Like being able to have a routine. Any kind of routine would be nice, but in order to have one and really keep it, your life has to have some kind of predictability in it, and mine almost never has. It's quite tiring.
So now that I'm essentially turning over a new leaf, I am going to resolve to form healthy routines. It's going to be my new path to stability and having a functional life. I also think it's incredibly important to establish routines for my kid, too. It's a form of comfort and security, something that I never really had and knowing the value of it now, will provide to my kid as a #1 priority.
First off, a routine that facilitates a healthy life. I'm going to take Bibi for a 15 minute walk every morning, wearing my toning sneakers and listening to whatever kind of relaxing music I feel like listening to that day. I love the Gayatri Mantra but sometimes it's so powerful I get too emotional and I can't have some kind of emotional release while I'm trying to walk the dog. So maybe just some Bach or Mozart. I also really need to get a handle on my vitamins. Ugh I hate them but it's not an option anymore, they are a requirement. I am also going to join the YMCA or a gym so I can go swimming and maybe take an exercise class now and then.
Secondly, I need to really work on doing something I enjoy on a regular basis. I haven't been able to keep a hobby in a long time. I love pottery but it's expensive. Gardening is too time consuming and can get expensive, too. I think I am going to plunge myself into sewing, because I have a machine, a collection of patterns, and a bunch of fabric that I've just been hauling around just in case one day I have the time and inclination to sew. Besides, I have baby stuff to make now!
Thirdly, and this is gonna be tough cause I'm super lazy, but I need to really pamper myself with a beauty regimen, too. There are women out there who get their hair and nails done on a weekly basis and I barely wash my face on a regular basis. I'm going to really try to take care of my skin, hair and nails better, so I can look good and feel better about myself.
Once the baby gets here, I will have no choice but to establish a feeding/sleeping schedule. I'm not going to force one, but I think it's important to foster good habits like breakfast in the morning, walks regularly and bedtime.
So that's what I'm going to aim for, security, comfort & stability with routines. I'll do more research on this subject, too of course! I love the internet & books!
So now that I'm essentially turning over a new leaf, I am going to resolve to form healthy routines. It's going to be my new path to stability and having a functional life. I also think it's incredibly important to establish routines for my kid, too. It's a form of comfort and security, something that I never really had and knowing the value of it now, will provide to my kid as a #1 priority.
First off, a routine that facilitates a healthy life. I'm going to take Bibi for a 15 minute walk every morning, wearing my toning sneakers and listening to whatever kind of relaxing music I feel like listening to that day. I love the Gayatri Mantra but sometimes it's so powerful I get too emotional and I can't have some kind of emotional release while I'm trying to walk the dog. So maybe just some Bach or Mozart. I also really need to get a handle on my vitamins. Ugh I hate them but it's not an option anymore, they are a requirement. I am also going to join the YMCA or a gym so I can go swimming and maybe take an exercise class now and then.
Secondly, I need to really work on doing something I enjoy on a regular basis. I haven't been able to keep a hobby in a long time. I love pottery but it's expensive. Gardening is too time consuming and can get expensive, too. I think I am going to plunge myself into sewing, because I have a machine, a collection of patterns, and a bunch of fabric that I've just been hauling around just in case one day I have the time and inclination to sew. Besides, I have baby stuff to make now!
Thirdly, and this is gonna be tough cause I'm super lazy, but I need to really pamper myself with a beauty regimen, too. There are women out there who get their hair and nails done on a weekly basis and I barely wash my face on a regular basis. I'm going to really try to take care of my skin, hair and nails better, so I can look good and feel better about myself.
Once the baby gets here, I will have no choice but to establish a feeding/sleeping schedule. I'm not going to force one, but I think it's important to foster good habits like breakfast in the morning, walks regularly and bedtime.
So that's what I'm going to aim for, security, comfort & stability with routines. I'll do more research on this subject, too of course! I love the internet & books!
I hate you, milk!
So yesterday morning I decided to have a bowl of lactose-free milk with Kix cereal (all from WIC) and have regretted it ever since. Now, I can't substantially blame it ALL on the milk, but I'm pretty damn sure it's the main culprit for my upset stomach, gas and diarrhea for the past 24 non-stop hours. I also get sick like this when I'm stressed out, like on a deadline for a project (which I haven't had in over 2 years now). I haven't been able to sleep at night, mostly just from the anticipation of everything going on. I think and plan and write lists in my head while Chris sleeps peacefully all night and spends the day playing games on the computer. Grrr. It must be nice to be a man.
Bibi was in a lot of pain for a few days and could barely walk. I think her pain was from stress too, which stressed me out even more. Thankfully she seems better since yesterday. I just want to get everything done and over with. Playing the waiting game is driving me nuts, but now that a few things have come together, I have a pretty solid plan that will land us in San Antonio by next Wednesday.
Today we will get the tow hitch installed on the Mazda, which we picked up from the shop in Commerce yesterday. It seems to be running OK, but the van needs some serious TLC asap. Hopefully we wont kill it on the way to Texas, hauling a 5'x8' trailer. The tow hitch is going to be expensive, but we are looking at it as an investment for future moves. I will also have to reserve our U-haul trailer online today. I'll also have to sneak downstairs to my mom's place while she isn't there to print out a few things on her printer and email myself a bunch of CAD files that I worked on. Lastly, we have a bunch of stuff to sell on Craigslist, and hopefully it will sell cause we really really need that cash.
Then tomorrow and Sunday I have to see about getting auto insurance for the Mazda and a new checking account with USAA in Texas. I will clean out both the Mazda and the Blazer and hopefully Chris will volunteer (yeah right) to do a check-up on the Mazda and see if he can spot any potential issues with the car. I also have to finish packing and get rid of all the stuff we are throwing away and/or giving to Goodwill.
On Monday we will pick up our U-Haul trailer and pack it. I have to go to the bank and close the checking account and return all the keys that I will no longer need to my mom. Then I will bake cookies and rice crispy treats for the ride to Texas on Tuesday.
Tuesday morning I will likely end up spending hours in the WIC office, getting the paperwork to transfer my vouchers to Texas. Hopefully they will let me get something other than damned milk. I ought to drink some milk before I go in and gas the place so they'll know I'm not kidding when I say milk makes me sick, you assholes.
It will take us approximately 16-18 hours to get to San Antonio, and around 5-7 gas fill-ups. I kind of want to leave late in the evening when there's little traffic and it's cooler but it all depends on my physical state on Tuesday. I may come home from the WIC office and take a nice long nap (if my mind/body will allow it) and then leave Atlanta before rush hour traffic hits. So about 4 pm. Or maybe after rush hour traffic, around 7 pm. Which would land us in San Ant around 1 in the afternoon. I have made this drive before and let me tell you, I will not be a cheerful person when we arrive. Of course, I wont be driving towards people who stress me out, like I did when I drove from Texas to Atlanta exactly a year ago with Chris. Maybe I will be in a good mood when I get there, but undoubtedly exhausted.
Bibi was in a lot of pain for a few days and could barely walk. I think her pain was from stress too, which stressed me out even more. Thankfully she seems better since yesterday. I just want to get everything done and over with. Playing the waiting game is driving me nuts, but now that a few things have come together, I have a pretty solid plan that will land us in San Antonio by next Wednesday.
Today we will get the tow hitch installed on the Mazda, which we picked up from the shop in Commerce yesterday. It seems to be running OK, but the van needs some serious TLC asap. Hopefully we wont kill it on the way to Texas, hauling a 5'x8' trailer. The tow hitch is going to be expensive, but we are looking at it as an investment for future moves. I will also have to reserve our U-haul trailer online today. I'll also have to sneak downstairs to my mom's place while she isn't there to print out a few things on her printer and email myself a bunch of CAD files that I worked on. Lastly, we have a bunch of stuff to sell on Craigslist, and hopefully it will sell cause we really really need that cash.
Then tomorrow and Sunday I have to see about getting auto insurance for the Mazda and a new checking account with USAA in Texas. I will clean out both the Mazda and the Blazer and hopefully Chris will volunteer (yeah right) to do a check-up on the Mazda and see if he can spot any potential issues with the car. I also have to finish packing and get rid of all the stuff we are throwing away and/or giving to Goodwill.
On Monday we will pick up our U-Haul trailer and pack it. I have to go to the bank and close the checking account and return all the keys that I will no longer need to my mom. Then I will bake cookies and rice crispy treats for the ride to Texas on Tuesday.
Tuesday morning I will likely end up spending hours in the WIC office, getting the paperwork to transfer my vouchers to Texas. Hopefully they will let me get something other than damned milk. I ought to drink some milk before I go in and gas the place so they'll know I'm not kidding when I say milk makes me sick, you assholes.
It will take us approximately 16-18 hours to get to San Antonio, and around 5-7 gas fill-ups. I kind of want to leave late in the evening when there's little traffic and it's cooler but it all depends on my physical state on Tuesday. I may come home from the WIC office and take a nice long nap (if my mind/body will allow it) and then leave Atlanta before rush hour traffic hits. So about 4 pm. Or maybe after rush hour traffic, around 7 pm. Which would land us in San Ant around 1 in the afternoon. I have made this drive before and let me tell you, I will not be a cheerful person when we arrive. Of course, I wont be driving towards people who stress me out, like I did when I drove from Texas to Atlanta exactly a year ago with Chris. Maybe I will be in a good mood when I get there, but undoubtedly exhausted.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
WIC is a joke.
I had my WIC appointment today, finally. I scheduled it over a month ago. I honestly don't think I would have bothered getting WIC at all if I knew beforehand that all I would be getting was milk. I'm lactose intolerant so that doesn't really help me much.
I'm also drastically low on iron, which I sort of knew would be the case because I'm horrible at remembering when and what vitamins to take with or without food however many times a day. I think I need to hire an assistant to help me manage my vitamin regimen.
I went over to Liz's after the 4 hour long WIC appointment and scored yet more free stuff for the dog (hers recently passed away) and some work clothes for Chris. I also got a cute pink maternity top. We went to Trader's joes and I got these AMAZING freeze dried mango slices which are fantastic. I remember when I thought Trader Joes was cheap! We reminisced about how we used to spend money like it was water, going out for sushi 3-5 times a week, shopping at the organic grocery stores and going out to the movies like every weekend. Now I'm reduced to WIC approved foods, canned tuna, the clearance and sale aisle at Kroger and $3 pirated movies from the guy on the street. It's amazing how one's life can change in just a few short years. I wish I could blame someone for it and beat the shit out of them.
My appetite has dwindled considerably. I don't really have cravings anymore and I can't tell if it's just hormonal or because of being at the cafe and eating that stuff all the time. My body is tired of eating. Now I just want fresh fruits and vegetables and water. Which is great. I might even start exercising. Liz suggested that I go for a walk with headphones and listen to relaxing music to reduce my stress. I think it's a good idea. I want to get myself a pair of those Reebok shoes that work your butt out while you walk. I desperately need a butt.
The baby (according to my weekly newsletter) is now the size of a plum, and has fully developed ears and can hear me talking and singing. You know what Chris says to that little tidbit? "Great, I bet he's in there holding his ears shut, tired of listening to you bitch". I have a feeling that I will end up nagging Chris more than I ever will the kid. Chris has a lot of growing up to do, he's like a 12 year old in a man's body sometimes. I wish he would just do stuff without me asking/telling him to do it, but noooo... I have to nag first. He's gotten a lot better, though so it's just going to take patience on my part. I like to think of it as a team effort.
I was up last night at about 1:20 am and couldn't sleep so up until 4:30 am I surfed the internet and applied for Medicaid in Texas, applied to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist (which is becoming apparent that it's pointless cause nobody replies and half of them end up being scams to get your info), looked for an apartment (another attempt in futility), searched for midwives in San Ant, and did a lot of stumbling. At least I got one thing accomplished: I applied for Medicaid in Texas.
I'm pooped. I painted my toes and fingernails a very girly bright pink and I think I am going to eat a bunch of strawberries in bed. I feel sooo spoiled!
I'm also drastically low on iron, which I sort of knew would be the case because I'm horrible at remembering when and what vitamins to take with or without food however many times a day. I think I need to hire an assistant to help me manage my vitamin regimen.
I went over to Liz's after the 4 hour long WIC appointment and scored yet more free stuff for the dog (hers recently passed away) and some work clothes for Chris. I also got a cute pink maternity top. We went to Trader's joes and I got these AMAZING freeze dried mango slices which are fantastic. I remember when I thought Trader Joes was cheap! We reminisced about how we used to spend money like it was water, going out for sushi 3-5 times a week, shopping at the organic grocery stores and going out to the movies like every weekend. Now I'm reduced to WIC approved foods, canned tuna, the clearance and sale aisle at Kroger and $3 pirated movies from the guy on the street. It's amazing how one's life can change in just a few short years. I wish I could blame someone for it and beat the shit out of them.
My appetite has dwindled considerably. I don't really have cravings anymore and I can't tell if it's just hormonal or because of being at the cafe and eating that stuff all the time. My body is tired of eating. Now I just want fresh fruits and vegetables and water. Which is great. I might even start exercising. Liz suggested that I go for a walk with headphones and listen to relaxing music to reduce my stress. I think it's a good idea. I want to get myself a pair of those Reebok shoes that work your butt out while you walk. I desperately need a butt.
The baby (according to my weekly newsletter) is now the size of a plum, and has fully developed ears and can hear me talking and singing. You know what Chris says to that little tidbit? "Great, I bet he's in there holding his ears shut, tired of listening to you bitch". I have a feeling that I will end up nagging Chris more than I ever will the kid. Chris has a lot of growing up to do, he's like a 12 year old in a man's body sometimes. I wish he would just do stuff without me asking/telling him to do it, but noooo... I have to nag first. He's gotten a lot better, though so it's just going to take patience on my part. I like to think of it as a team effort.
I was up last night at about 1:20 am and couldn't sleep so up until 4:30 am I surfed the internet and applied for Medicaid in Texas, applied to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist (which is becoming apparent that it's pointless cause nobody replies and half of them end up being scams to get your info), looked for an apartment (another attempt in futility), searched for midwives in San Ant, and did a lot of stumbling. At least I got one thing accomplished: I applied for Medicaid in Texas.
I'm pooped. I painted my toes and fingernails a very girly bright pink and I think I am going to eat a bunch of strawberries in bed. I feel sooo spoiled!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Muahahahahahaha!
I really shouldn't be enjoying watching the demise of Cafe O, but I can't help it. It's like not being able to rip your eyes away from a train wreck. That doesn't mean I don't feel any remorse, guilt and pity at the whole situation because I do. I'm just not going to let it be the overwhelming majority of my emotions because I just don't owe that to anyone anymore.
So my mother decided to open the cafe all by herself on Monday, which I knew she would do. She likes to try and prove to people how so easy things are that she can do it all by herself. Except she was utterly failing at running the restaurant, and in my honest opinion, will continue to run the cafe into the ground with each passing day.
It started off with her not knowing how to use the cash register, which let me tell you, was a BITCH to figure out for me and Chris in the first place. If you want to stress yourself the fuck out, go read a cash register manual. I had to program that sonofabitch and then teach myself how to use it correctly. Of course, she doesn't have the patience or ability to do that, so she just wanted to be shown how to work it. I wrote her a quick one-page tutorial and emailed it to her! hahahaha!
Chris, being the good-hearted man that he is, went over to help out a little bit and it was obvious she really wanted him to stay and help her out. Which he did, to my annoyance. But I can't blame him, he's not as fed up with her as I am and he's a nice guy. He had to show her how to make everything, even though it's pretty damn simple and self-explanatory AND we had to figure it all out from scratch ourselves. Do you think I knew how to turn on, much less USE a commercial deep fryer? Hell No! I almost blew myself up trying to work the damn thing. Oh, and I bet she's really enjoying having to use a prep table that's broken and having to run back and forth to get cold items out of the fridge to prepare it for the customer while they wait.
At one point I was asked how many strawberries go into a smoothie and what is on a greek salad. I could just picture her there, trying to do all this with the customers that we have to deal with (not exactly the politest people sometimes) watching and waiting. Chris told me that many of our regulars walked out. I know she's lost a good bit of our clientele because A) She was out of a lot of food because we didn't have the money to re-stock. and B) We actually made friends with our repeat customers and they LIKED us. C) We know what they like, how they like it, and much of the time, will actually hand-deliver it to them if they are busy and need to get back to their shop. I know my mother can't handle any of that.
Then this is the kicker. This is why I see all this happening and actually feel kind of smug deep down inside my heart. Because I actually worked hard to get this place up and running, and not only that but SUCCESSFULLY, with hardly any money at all. It took a lot of creativity, thought and planning and stress to pull off the kind of restaurant we had. I planned the shit out of that menu. And the whole time, all my mom did was criticize and tell me how I had to put whatever the customer wants on the menu if I want to be successful. I had to do whatever it took to please them to build a clientele, and that was how to be a business owner. She liked to say, "Welcome to the Business world" like I just didn't know what the hell I was doing. Which, for the most part, I didn't. I had to learn as I went, the hard way. NO HELP. At the same time, she would tell me how I had to manage my business so that I would attract the right people, bring decent people with money into the ghetto so the place would improve. A little bit contradictory from the whole "please everyone no matter what it takes" philosophy, isn't it? I pretty much stuck to my guns, kept my menu the way it was, with some small changes to reflect what people were liking. Basically, it boiled down to, she wanted me to serve fried rice. Almost every time she came in, she would tell me to put fried rice on the menu. I was absolutely dead set against it. Why? Because you can get fried rice at about 15 different greasy chinese takeout restaurants within a 3 block radius of my cafe. Because that's what the crackheads come in and ask for, at least one crackhead per day comes in there, looks at my menu and asks me, "you got scrimp fried rice?"
If I were to put fried rice on my menu, 2 things would surely happen. 1.) I would be attracting all the kinds of people that I wasn't supposed to be attracting. namely, the ghetto crackheads that only eat wings and rice. 2.) Next thing they would ask for is egg rolls and Mongolian beef and broccoli chicken to go along with their scrimp fried rice and within a month the cafe would turn into yet another greasy Chinese takeout restaurant in the ghetto. Which is exactly the OPPOSITE of what I was trying to accomplish with the cafe. It's fundamentally ANTI-Chinese food.
So what does Chris tell me when he gets back from helping out my mom at the cafe? That she's getting set up to serve fried rice. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Good fucking luck with that, Mother! Ms. successful business woman of the fucking ghetto. I HOPE she starts serving fried rice, because the downward spiral that will happen really quickly after that will serve the bitch right. It will be my revenge, and her own self-fulfilling prophecy. I can just smell the caked-on grease now. Speaking of caked-on grease, you have no idea how hard it is to remove 6 years of Chinese takeout restaurant grease from every surface, equipment, and utensil from the restaurant. We know, because we had to do it! I hope she buys herself a wok and becomes a slave to it. MAYBE then, just maybe, she will think to herself, "wow, Heather and Chris we actually doing a good job by themselves". Cause we did. Chris and I were doing an excellent job running that place, just the two of us. We made a great menu that everyone (minus the crackheads) absolutely LOVED. That's why we saw the same people come in every single day, sometimes several times a day.
I intentionally created a menu that nobody else in the neighborhood had, and that's what made us popular. We had absolutely NO BUDGET for advertising, but the word of mouth spread like fire and we were getting people in from across town that had heard about us. Now all of that is going to go down the drain, and the people I feel bad for is our customers, who were so happy to see something new and fresh finally in the ghetto. I know I let them down, but I made my choice and I don't regret it one bit. I know now what I am capable of, and that's all I need. The proof was in the pudding in this case and I actually didn't need my mom's appraisal to feel like I did a good job. What's happening now is the best proof of what a good job I did that I need, and that's why the demise of the cafe makes me feel like the cat that swallowed the canary. Guilty, but deeply satisfied.
So my mother decided to open the cafe all by herself on Monday, which I knew she would do. She likes to try and prove to people how so easy things are that she can do it all by herself. Except she was utterly failing at running the restaurant, and in my honest opinion, will continue to run the cafe into the ground with each passing day.
It started off with her not knowing how to use the cash register, which let me tell you, was a BITCH to figure out for me and Chris in the first place. If you want to stress yourself the fuck out, go read a cash register manual. I had to program that sonofabitch and then teach myself how to use it correctly. Of course, she doesn't have the patience or ability to do that, so she just wanted to be shown how to work it. I wrote her a quick one-page tutorial and emailed it to her! hahahaha!
Chris, being the good-hearted man that he is, went over to help out a little bit and it was obvious she really wanted him to stay and help her out. Which he did, to my annoyance. But I can't blame him, he's not as fed up with her as I am and he's a nice guy. He had to show her how to make everything, even though it's pretty damn simple and self-explanatory AND we had to figure it all out from scratch ourselves. Do you think I knew how to turn on, much less USE a commercial deep fryer? Hell No! I almost blew myself up trying to work the damn thing. Oh, and I bet she's really enjoying having to use a prep table that's broken and having to run back and forth to get cold items out of the fridge to prepare it for the customer while they wait.
At one point I was asked how many strawberries go into a smoothie and what is on a greek salad. I could just picture her there, trying to do all this with the customers that we have to deal with (not exactly the politest people sometimes) watching and waiting. Chris told me that many of our regulars walked out. I know she's lost a good bit of our clientele because A) She was out of a lot of food because we didn't have the money to re-stock. and B) We actually made friends with our repeat customers and they LIKED us. C) We know what they like, how they like it, and much of the time, will actually hand-deliver it to them if they are busy and need to get back to their shop. I know my mother can't handle any of that.
Then this is the kicker. This is why I see all this happening and actually feel kind of smug deep down inside my heart. Because I actually worked hard to get this place up and running, and not only that but SUCCESSFULLY, with hardly any money at all. It took a lot of creativity, thought and planning and stress to pull off the kind of restaurant we had. I planned the shit out of that menu. And the whole time, all my mom did was criticize and tell me how I had to put whatever the customer wants on the menu if I want to be successful. I had to do whatever it took to please them to build a clientele, and that was how to be a business owner. She liked to say, "Welcome to the Business world" like I just didn't know what the hell I was doing. Which, for the most part, I didn't. I had to learn as I went, the hard way. NO HELP. At the same time, she would tell me how I had to manage my business so that I would attract the right people, bring decent people with money into the ghetto so the place would improve. A little bit contradictory from the whole "please everyone no matter what it takes" philosophy, isn't it? I pretty much stuck to my guns, kept my menu the way it was, with some small changes to reflect what people were liking. Basically, it boiled down to, she wanted me to serve fried rice. Almost every time she came in, she would tell me to put fried rice on the menu. I was absolutely dead set against it. Why? Because you can get fried rice at about 15 different greasy chinese takeout restaurants within a 3 block radius of my cafe. Because that's what the crackheads come in and ask for, at least one crackhead per day comes in there, looks at my menu and asks me, "you got scrimp fried rice?"
If I were to put fried rice on my menu, 2 things would surely happen. 1.) I would be attracting all the kinds of people that I wasn't supposed to be attracting. namely, the ghetto crackheads that only eat wings and rice. 2.) Next thing they would ask for is egg rolls and Mongolian beef and broccoli chicken to go along with their scrimp fried rice and within a month the cafe would turn into yet another greasy Chinese takeout restaurant in the ghetto. Which is exactly the OPPOSITE of what I was trying to accomplish with the cafe. It's fundamentally ANTI-Chinese food.
So what does Chris tell me when he gets back from helping out my mom at the cafe? That she's getting set up to serve fried rice. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Good fucking luck with that, Mother! Ms. successful business woman of the fucking ghetto. I HOPE she starts serving fried rice, because the downward spiral that will happen really quickly after that will serve the bitch right. It will be my revenge, and her own self-fulfilling prophecy. I can just smell the caked-on grease now. Speaking of caked-on grease, you have no idea how hard it is to remove 6 years of Chinese takeout restaurant grease from every surface, equipment, and utensil from the restaurant. We know, because we had to do it! I hope she buys herself a wok and becomes a slave to it. MAYBE then, just maybe, she will think to herself, "wow, Heather and Chris we actually doing a good job by themselves". Cause we did. Chris and I were doing an excellent job running that place, just the two of us. We made a great menu that everyone (minus the crackheads) absolutely LOVED. That's why we saw the same people come in every single day, sometimes several times a day.
I intentionally created a menu that nobody else in the neighborhood had, and that's what made us popular. We had absolutely NO BUDGET for advertising, but the word of mouth spread like fire and we were getting people in from across town that had heard about us. Now all of that is going to go down the drain, and the people I feel bad for is our customers, who were so happy to see something new and fresh finally in the ghetto. I know I let them down, but I made my choice and I don't regret it one bit. I know now what I am capable of, and that's all I need. The proof was in the pudding in this case and I actually didn't need my mom's appraisal to feel like I did a good job. What's happening now is the best proof of what a good job I did that I need, and that's why the demise of the cafe makes me feel like the cat that swallowed the canary. Guilty, but deeply satisfied.
Monday, June 6, 2011
eating chocolate in bed!
I had been upset for several days so my face is all puffy but it's nothing that a little bit of chocolate and a sweet boyfriend can't fix!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
gettin' $#*! done
As I get older, I seem to be able to cope with stress a lot less than before. But I still surprise myself when the going gets tough, that I manage to squeak by. Today was very productive as I got most of my stuff packed up (I'm a little OCD when it comes to packing, I have to clean and organize it before I pack it away, which is driving Chris insane..). I also just for the hell of it, posted a few things we wouldn't be able to take on Craigslist to see if they would sell. And they did! All in one day, too! I sold our chickens, the exercise bike/rower, and my iron patio set. I sold the patio set for way too cheap I think, but oh well, it had to go. So I ended up making a few extra hundred dollars to help us move. Now all we need is the $500 my mother owes to Chris for the trim work he did at the theater and we will have all the money we are going to get out of this place. Which ain't much but I am scraping together every cent I can get my hands on.
I also spruced up my resume and sent it out to a couple of job listings I found on San Antonio's Craigslist. I preemptively printed a few copies out so I can have them in hand when we get there. Chris and I were in pretty good spirits as we cleaned, packed, and made money all in one day. Tomorrow is going to be an entirely different story. It'll be Monday and the Cafe O will not be open. Instead, I am going to drop off a few boxes that we can't take with us at my sister's house for temporary storage. I am also going to try and get my Mazda back because the Chevy Blazer sucks so bad, I can't take it anymore. There's no way I could drive around in Texas with that kind of heat in the car (the Blazer's A/C is broken and there is no heat shield between the floorboard and engine). Not to mention, I can't have a baby sitting in that kind of sweltering heat, either. This is why Japanese excel more than American cars, they are just engineered better. I hate to say it, too.
This is going to be one hell of a week. But we will make it through and hopefully be in Texas before the week is over.
I also spruced up my resume and sent it out to a couple of job listings I found on San Antonio's Craigslist. I preemptively printed a few copies out so I can have them in hand when we get there. Chris and I were in pretty good spirits as we cleaned, packed, and made money all in one day. Tomorrow is going to be an entirely different story. It'll be Monday and the Cafe O will not be open. Instead, I am going to drop off a few boxes that we can't take with us at my sister's house for temporary storage. I am also going to try and get my Mazda back because the Chevy Blazer sucks so bad, I can't take it anymore. There's no way I could drive around in Texas with that kind of heat in the car (the Blazer's A/C is broken and there is no heat shield between the floorboard and engine). Not to mention, I can't have a baby sitting in that kind of sweltering heat, either. This is why Japanese excel more than American cars, they are just engineered better. I hate to say it, too.
This is going to be one hell of a week. But we will make it through and hopefully be in Texas before the week is over.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Our next move
Chris and I decided to move back to Texas finally. It's something we had planned before but like always ended up getting entangled in one after the other of my mom's projects. Well, this time we decided, screw her and her needs and wants and let's just go live our own lives where we may still be poor (I can't imagine being any poorer than we are now, honestly) but at least we'll be happy.
So yeah...moving to Boerne, Texas. Well, San Antonio at first. I'm going to try to find myself a quick little job doing retail or waitress or something along those lines before I start looking really pregnant and can't get a job at all. Chris has accumulated a mass of new tools so he will hopefully be able to do more work in Texas. We are going to spend our last dime to make it there. Literally.
Besides the obvious stress of moving, I'm very happy. I feel super relieved. It's gonna be tough and we are going to be screwing my mom over with the cafe, but honestly - it's an eye for an eye. If we were such a burden to her, she should be happy about us leaving. The cafe can be her new burden.
The pain in the ass part for us is getting new health insurance and a midwife for me. I will basically have to start over with the whole Medicaid process. It's too bad cause I liked the midwife I had here. I'm also not looking forward to the Texas heat... my first task will be to find a pool to go to. I need the vitamin D pretty bad anyways.
The good news I have is that I got to see my very dear friend Liz (who is moving to China, of all places) this afternoon for coffee. Liz is such a good friend, she's been there for me through some tough shit. I am like the vagabond friend who's always roaming from one bad situation to another. So this is like the same old same old with me. But anyways, she gave me a ton of baby stuff!!! A bunch of cute maternity clothes, a breast pump, baby monitor, baby play things, maternity bras, a bed bumper, and a pack and play crib! I feel like I won a contest or something. Honestly, I can't be luckier or more thankful to have such a generous friend, and I am going to miss her and her daughter so very much. I've known this chick since we were in remedial math class (Basic Math 100) together in architecture school. Back then, it seemed like becoming an architect was such an improbability we would laugh about it. Especially since we were in remedial math and still sucking at it! It really is a bleepin' miracle we both graduated with Master's degrees. Honestly, she is way more brilliant at it than I am.
By the way, Chris had lost his cell phone several days ago and found it in one of his dirty pants in the closet today so if you've been trying to call him and weren't getting through, it should work now. I think his mind is much more at ease now too since we have both decided to move. I know I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my chest. We both know it ain't gonna be easy for a while but we are confident that we are making the right choice for us and the baby. Texas, here we come!
Oh, and little Waylon (Chris wants to add Jennings to his middle name so he can call him J.T.) only really needs one grandma who I'm sure will love him way more than the one here in Atlanta.
So yeah...moving to Boerne, Texas. Well, San Antonio at first. I'm going to try to find myself a quick little job doing retail or waitress or something along those lines before I start looking really pregnant and can't get a job at all. Chris has accumulated a mass of new tools so he will hopefully be able to do more work in Texas. We are going to spend our last dime to make it there. Literally.
Besides the obvious stress of moving, I'm very happy. I feel super relieved. It's gonna be tough and we are going to be screwing my mom over with the cafe, but honestly - it's an eye for an eye. If we were such a burden to her, she should be happy about us leaving. The cafe can be her new burden.
The pain in the ass part for us is getting new health insurance and a midwife for me. I will basically have to start over with the whole Medicaid process. It's too bad cause I liked the midwife I had here. I'm also not looking forward to the Texas heat... my first task will be to find a pool to go to. I need the vitamin D pretty bad anyways.
The good news I have is that I got to see my very dear friend Liz (who is moving to China, of all places) this afternoon for coffee. Liz is such a good friend, she's been there for me through some tough shit. I am like the vagabond friend who's always roaming from one bad situation to another. So this is like the same old same old with me. But anyways, she gave me a ton of baby stuff!!! A bunch of cute maternity clothes, a breast pump, baby monitor, baby play things, maternity bras, a bed bumper, and a pack and play crib! I feel like I won a contest or something. Honestly, I can't be luckier or more thankful to have such a generous friend, and I am going to miss her and her daughter so very much. I've known this chick since we were in remedial math class (Basic Math 100) together in architecture school. Back then, it seemed like becoming an architect was such an improbability we would laugh about it. Especially since we were in remedial math and still sucking at it! It really is a bleepin' miracle we both graduated with Master's degrees. Honestly, she is way more brilliant at it than I am.
By the way, Chris had lost his cell phone several days ago and found it in one of his dirty pants in the closet today so if you've been trying to call him and weren't getting through, it should work now. I think his mind is much more at ease now too since we have both decided to move. I know I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my chest. We both know it ain't gonna be easy for a while but we are confident that we are making the right choice for us and the baby. Texas, here we come!
Oh, and little Waylon (Chris wants to add Jennings to his middle name so he can call him J.T.) only really needs one grandma who I'm sure will love him way more than the one here in Atlanta.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Not so happy news
Tonight Chris and I decided to tell my mom about the pregnancy and it didn't go quite as well as we had hoped. It was a very very long busy day at the restaurant and Chris and I were both exhausted and the last thing I really wanted to do was go to her place and talk when all I wanted to do was go home and relax. But there was no more procrastinating, and no matter when we tell her, her reaction would have been the same.
In any case, she essentially called me a loser. She acted like she gave us the restaurant out of the kindness of her heart and to give us an opportunity when she could have given it to someone else which is a complete lie. We never asked to do the restaurant, but she wasn't getting any solid offers and she needed someone to open the place. So of course, like the usual dupe that I am I tried to help her. I wont even get into the details of the restaurant thing, but basically the woman's reaction to the news was very negative. And she had to go the extra mile to insult us on top of it. I'm tired of this woman bullying me all my life, I tried to tell her that I was happy about it and excited. I wanted her to see that this may not have been intentional but it was a blessing to us. But instead she called me a burden, a 32 year-old fuck up.
So anyways, to say the least, she is not looking forward to a new baby in the family. And that's really a shame because I think having a new baby in the family is supposed to be exciting and happy. It's really kind of fucked up how so far it's only been the strangers that I've told that have been happy and excited at the news. I really wish this could have been a joyous moment.
I don't know how many more times I can let this woman hurt me me before I really lose myself. I hate being obligated to her, indentured to her, at her mercy and whim. I get suckered in by her promises and the pretty picture she paints and sometimes outright guilt trips, and the moment something doesn't go her way, or she gets frustrated about something, you have to protect your neck. The worse thing you can do is to do business with her, because once that happens you are no longer family.
All this is why she had estranged herself from all of her siblings and other family. In fact, I don't know anyone on her side of the family besides me, Paula, my nieces, and stepfather that have anything to do with her. She really is a cruel person and quite frankly, doesn't deserve to be a part of a happy family. At least, she won't be included in mine. I know for a fact that as long as she is in it, my life will never be carefree or happy. I really can't allow that to happen once my baby is here. I wouldn't be able to forgive her, much less myself, for exposing my kid to that kind of loveless tyranny. I refuse to let a single molecule of her negativity influence the life of my child. I swear to god and the whole world if she ever says or does something to hurt my kid, I will grab her by the hair, yank her to the ground and kick her teeth in, I don't care if she's 80 years old. It's better to not even let that opportunity arise and instead just stay away from her. Which is exactly what I have been planning to do, in anticipation of her predictable reaction.
I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt. You know, I keep hoping that she'll treat me like a mother who loves her daughter unconditionally. Every time, she proves that all she cares about is money, success and prestige. I'll never be good enough for her in any way shape or form, so there really is no point in being her daughter, is there? Instead of beating myself up over it, I really just need to accept it and move on with my life. I don't know why I keep hanging around, trying to be who she wants me to be. At the very least though, I can thank her for showing me how NOT to raise a child. I think that's as valuable a lesson as any life lesson. I just hope I can catch myself if I see her ugly head rearing in my parenting style.
I'm now thoroughly exhausted, emotionally and physically. And it's just the tip of the iceberg, and I really don't like to complain too much (nobody cares to hear it anyways). I have to look out for myself now, and nobody else.
In any case, she essentially called me a loser. She acted like she gave us the restaurant out of the kindness of her heart and to give us an opportunity when she could have given it to someone else which is a complete lie. We never asked to do the restaurant, but she wasn't getting any solid offers and she needed someone to open the place. So of course, like the usual dupe that I am I tried to help her. I wont even get into the details of the restaurant thing, but basically the woman's reaction to the news was very negative. And she had to go the extra mile to insult us on top of it. I'm tired of this woman bullying me all my life, I tried to tell her that I was happy about it and excited. I wanted her to see that this may not have been intentional but it was a blessing to us. But instead she called me a burden, a 32 year-old fuck up.
So anyways, to say the least, she is not looking forward to a new baby in the family. And that's really a shame because I think having a new baby in the family is supposed to be exciting and happy. It's really kind of fucked up how so far it's only been the strangers that I've told that have been happy and excited at the news. I really wish this could have been a joyous moment.
I don't know how many more times I can let this woman hurt me me before I really lose myself. I hate being obligated to her, indentured to her, at her mercy and whim. I get suckered in by her promises and the pretty picture she paints and sometimes outright guilt trips, and the moment something doesn't go her way, or she gets frustrated about something, you have to protect your neck. The worse thing you can do is to do business with her, because once that happens you are no longer family.
All this is why she had estranged herself from all of her siblings and other family. In fact, I don't know anyone on her side of the family besides me, Paula, my nieces, and stepfather that have anything to do with her. She really is a cruel person and quite frankly, doesn't deserve to be a part of a happy family. At least, she won't be included in mine. I know for a fact that as long as she is in it, my life will never be carefree or happy. I really can't allow that to happen once my baby is here. I wouldn't be able to forgive her, much less myself, for exposing my kid to that kind of loveless tyranny. I refuse to let a single molecule of her negativity influence the life of my child. I swear to god and the whole world if she ever says or does something to hurt my kid, I will grab her by the hair, yank her to the ground and kick her teeth in, I don't care if she's 80 years old. It's better to not even let that opportunity arise and instead just stay away from her. Which is exactly what I have been planning to do, in anticipation of her predictable reaction.
I can't lie and say it doesn't hurt. You know, I keep hoping that she'll treat me like a mother who loves her daughter unconditionally. Every time, she proves that all she cares about is money, success and prestige. I'll never be good enough for her in any way shape or form, so there really is no point in being her daughter, is there? Instead of beating myself up over it, I really just need to accept it and move on with my life. I don't know why I keep hanging around, trying to be who she wants me to be. At the very least though, I can thank her for showing me how NOT to raise a child. I think that's as valuable a lesson as any life lesson. I just hope I can catch myself if I see her ugly head rearing in my parenting style.
I'm now thoroughly exhausted, emotionally and physically. And it's just the tip of the iceberg, and I really don't like to complain too much (nobody cares to hear it anyways). I have to look out for myself now, and nobody else.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
1st Prenatal appointment was exciting!
This morning Chris and I head to the midwife's practice for our first prenatal appointment. It was a bit busy in the office so we were waiting for about half an hour before I got to see the midwife. In the waiting room, there were 5 or 6 other pregnant women. One lady was so pregnant her stomach literally looked like a beach ball and her shirt just hung like a curtain in front of her belly. I realized at that moment that I will be like that soon and I had a feeling of desperate fear wash over me for a second. Chris saw the look on my face and laughed at me!
But revenge was soon to be mine! The nurse called us back to the exam room and there we met a very nice lady named Margaret who's been a midwife in Atlanta since 1978. She asked me a bunch of family history questions and then asked me to put on a gown so she could give me a pelvic exam and pap smear. Chris wanted to leave the room at this point but I made him stay while she put my legs in stirrups and shined a spotlight right onto my lady parts. If you think this made me uncomfortable, poor Chris was squirming in his seat, trying to look everywhere else but at me. At one point I saw him looking down at the floor and whistling to himself. It was great, I got a nice chuckle out of his awkwardness. He was as nervous as a kid in the principal's office.
So once that part of the exam was over, Margaret got the Dopplar radar out to listen to the baby's heartbeat. The gel she put on the radar wand was really really cold and when she first put it on me, it tickled so bad I got into a giggling fit, which made the radar scratch like a broken record. I almost couldn't stop laughing, but then after a minute my laughter turned into tears cause I was realizing so many things at once. First of all, I was actually going to hear the baby's heartbeat, which made the whole situation so very real. Secondly, I was just plain happy I was going to have a baby and that was a bit overwhelming. Then, after it took a few minutes of her searching, I got scared that she wouldn't find a heartbeat and I had to close my eyes shut and try real hard not to cry. I saw a worried look on Chris's face for a moment, but then there it was...a really tiny but fast heartbeat. I must have been grinning from ear to ear. The first thing the midwife said was "Sounds like a boy!" which made us grin even bigger.
So yeah, that whole experience was pretty amazing. Even though I don't have a recording of the heartbeat, I don't think I'll ever forget the way it sounded.
But revenge was soon to be mine! The nurse called us back to the exam room and there we met a very nice lady named Margaret who's been a midwife in Atlanta since 1978. She asked me a bunch of family history questions and then asked me to put on a gown so she could give me a pelvic exam and pap smear. Chris wanted to leave the room at this point but I made him stay while she put my legs in stirrups and shined a spotlight right onto my lady parts. If you think this made me uncomfortable, poor Chris was squirming in his seat, trying to look everywhere else but at me. At one point I saw him looking down at the floor and whistling to himself. It was great, I got a nice chuckle out of his awkwardness. He was as nervous as a kid in the principal's office.
So once that part of the exam was over, Margaret got the Dopplar radar out to listen to the baby's heartbeat. The gel she put on the radar wand was really really cold and when she first put it on me, it tickled so bad I got into a giggling fit, which made the radar scratch like a broken record. I almost couldn't stop laughing, but then after a minute my laughter turned into tears cause I was realizing so many things at once. First of all, I was actually going to hear the baby's heartbeat, which made the whole situation so very real. Secondly, I was just plain happy I was going to have a baby and that was a bit overwhelming. Then, after it took a few minutes of her searching, I got scared that she wouldn't find a heartbeat and I had to close my eyes shut and try real hard not to cry. I saw a worried look on Chris's face for a moment, but then there it was...a really tiny but fast heartbeat. I must have been grinning from ear to ear. The first thing the midwife said was "Sounds like a boy!" which made us grin even bigger.
So yeah, that whole experience was pretty amazing. Even though I don't have a recording of the heartbeat, I don't think I'll ever forget the way it sounded.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Reasons why this could be a boy.
So... everyone likes to put in their 2 cents on what the gender of the baby probably is. Which is a fun game that I am really enjoying. So far, the consensus is that I am most definitely having a boy, which makes me happy cause I kinda want a son. I would also love a daughter, though..don't get me wrong, little girls rock! But anyhow, here's what people so far have told me about why they think I'm having a boy.
1. Suejin's mom says that because I have no morning sickness, I'm carrying a boy. I've heard this from another woman that came into my cafe as well.
2. Random pregnant girl that came into my cafe says it'll be a boy because I've already gained 10 lbs by the 11th week. She says that boys make you gain more weight than girls.
There's a 3rd one but I can't think of it right now.
So it may be that I'll be having a Waylon Thomas Harmon. Hopefully he'll have blue eyes like his daddy. And not such a smush nose like me...
1. Suejin's mom says that because I have no morning sickness, I'm carrying a boy. I've heard this from another woman that came into my cafe as well.
2. Random pregnant girl that came into my cafe says it'll be a boy because I've already gained 10 lbs by the 11th week. She says that boys make you gain more weight than girls.
There's a 3rd one but I can't think of it right now.
So it may be that I'll be having a Waylon Thomas Harmon. Hopefully he'll have blue eyes like his daddy. And not such a smush nose like me...
Monday, May 30, 2011
20 Questions
Things I am going to ask the doctor at my prenatal appointment. Hopefully they wont kick me out for being an annoying brat.
1. Can I take extra strength Tylenol for my toothaches everyday? Will it hurt the baby?
2. Can I still drink herbal tea, like Yerba Mate and Lady Grey?
3. How much folic acid, iron, Vitamin D & calcium should I be taking? For how long?
4. What other vitamins should I be taking?
5. How bad is constant second hand cigarette smoke exposure to my baby's health? (hopefully this will get Chris to stop smoking in the house and around me all the time)
6. How can I ensure an un-medicated birth at the hospital?
7. What is up with the dizzy/faint spells and how can I get rid of them?
8. Is cramping normal? I get cramps in my left side, sometimes I feel like I'm gonna get my period!
9. What medicine can I take if I get sick/injured? Is there and herbal alternative that's better?
Oh there's more but I'm getting too tired to think of them so maybe later I will come back to this post...
1. Can I take extra strength Tylenol for my toothaches everyday? Will it hurt the baby?
2. Can I still drink herbal tea, like Yerba Mate and Lady Grey?
3. How much folic acid, iron, Vitamin D & calcium should I be taking? For how long?
4. What other vitamins should I be taking?
5. How bad is constant second hand cigarette smoke exposure to my baby's health? (hopefully this will get Chris to stop smoking in the house and around me all the time)
6. How can I ensure an un-medicated birth at the hospital?
7. What is up with the dizzy/faint spells and how can I get rid of them?
8. Is cramping normal? I get cramps in my left side, sometimes I feel like I'm gonna get my period!
9. What medicine can I take if I get sick/injured? Is there and herbal alternative that's better?
Oh there's more but I'm getting too tired to think of them so maybe later I will come back to this post...
Chris's Favorite Smoothie
I started making smoothies at the restaurant and they are the bomb!! Even better than Smoothie King or Arden's Garden. My secret is I use fresh fruit instead of frozen. I also put a squirt of agave nectar and a dash of either ginger or nutmeg in my smoothies. So Chris's favorite is the Peanut Butter Banana Protein shake so I thought I would write the recipe here, in case anyone wants to try it. You must have a pretty good blender that can blend ice.
2 cups of ice cubes
3 cups of unsweetened Vanilla Almond milk
(Blend the ice & milk together first)
1 whole banana, not too ripe
3 tablespoons of creamy peanut butter
1 squirt of Agave Nectar
1 dash of nutmeg
1 scoop protein powder
(I use Max Protein Vanilla)
Whizz all this up in the blender until smooth and voila! It's yummy!
2 cups of ice cubes
3 cups of unsweetened Vanilla Almond milk
(Blend the ice & milk together first)
1 whole banana, not too ripe
3 tablespoons of creamy peanut butter
1 squirt of Agave Nectar
1 dash of nutmeg
1 scoop protein powder
(I use Max Protein Vanilla)
Whizz all this up in the blender until smooth and voila! It's yummy!
Vote!
I completely forgot to mention that I chopped off all my hair a few weeks ago. I have sort of a bob haircut, it's the shortest my hair has ever been. I like it, it's nice and cool but I do sometimes miss long hair. Except that I have wild crazy woman hair that's hard to tame. Anyways, here's some pictures I took of us in the car the other day.
You can't really tell my hair is short cause it's pulled back here but trust me, it's short!
Also, those of you who actually read this blog should vote on the girl name poll I have to the left side of the blog. You can pick multiple names you like. It's fun, so do it! AND.... you can leave comments too cause you know it's starting to feel like I'm talking to myself over here and if that goes on for too long I'll just quit blogging cause I really don't have a lot of free time and although I enjoy sharing, I would rather be doing other stuff sometimes.
First prenatal appointment is coming up this week! I'm stressed over it because it's at 10:30 am and that means I wont be able to open my restaurant at 11. I called to reschedule for earlier but they have been closed for several days now, since it's the weekend and holidays and all that annoying mess. Hopefully they can get me in in the morning cause I can't open my restaurant late, that's pointless.
Also, those of you who actually read this blog should vote on the girl name poll I have to the left side of the blog. You can pick multiple names you like. It's fun, so do it! AND.... you can leave comments too cause you know it's starting to feel like I'm talking to myself over here and if that goes on for too long I'll just quit blogging cause I really don't have a lot of free time and although I enjoy sharing, I would rather be doing other stuff sometimes.
First prenatal appointment is coming up this week! I'm stressed over it because it's at 10:30 am and that means I wont be able to open my restaurant at 11. I called to reschedule for earlier but they have been closed for several days now, since it's the weekend and holidays and all that annoying mess. Hopefully they can get me in in the morning cause I can't open my restaurant late, that's pointless.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
She's Crafty!
At this point, Chris and I strongly suspect that my mother knows everything and is now just torturing us. Today she mentioned several times about Chris "one day" being a father, and "what if" I was pregnant... The first time she said anything was this morning while we were opening the restaurant, and aimed directly at Chris. She said something along the lines of "If you're going to be a father, you need to help Heather carry bags...etc..." The look on Chris's face was absolutely priceless. I can't even get a look like that out of him! It was a cross between a deer caught in headlights and a man being sentenced by a judge. I couldn't help but laugh as he looked at me desperately without knowing how the hell to respond to her. Then when she turned around, he mouthed the words, "She Knows!!" The man is scared.
So yeah, mom is dropping hints (I believe) about me being pregnant and Chris being a daddy. Well, at least it wont come as a total surprise. I still have no clue how she will react and I'm not going to hold any silly hopes or naive preconceptions about her reaction. All I know is I can't let her spoil the happiest moment of my life, and if she does I most certainly will never forgive her for it. For that reason, she is the last person on earth to be privy to the news. Shame, isn't it? That's what happens when you torment your daughter all her life.
Speaking of daughters, I think I really like the name Natalie. And I heard it means born around Christmas...which I should look up on the million baby name websites that exist out there. Yep it means born on Christmas day, which could happen cause my due date is December 19. I'm kind of hoping for a cusp baby though. Another cool fact is if the baby is born on December 21, it'll be born on the winter solstice, which is exactly 6 months from my birthday on the summer solstice. Now if it turns out to be a boy, his name has already been picked out and chiseled into stone. Chris knew from the day I told him I was pregnant that his son would be named Waylon Thomas. I had no clue who the country singer he was talking about was, but apparently he's naming the child after Waylon Jennings, who sings "Mama don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" and the theme song to Dukes of Hazzard (which was one of my favorite shows growing up). After hearing his music, I like him too. He has a very mellow soothing voice. I'm kind of fond of the name Waylon Thomas, so that's what the boy's name will be.
I signed up for a pregnancy newsletter called The Bump and every week they send me an email update about my baby in the womb. I think they are going a little too fast for me because the last email was talking about my 11th week and how the baby is the size of a lime now, with fingers and toes formed and hair, tooth and nail follicles forming. The size of a lime! It seems like just a few days ago it was the size of a kidney bean. This newsletter is making everything go too fast! I can't believe that I'm almost done with the first trimester. It's not incredibly obvious that I'm pregnant, either. I've only gained about 5-8 lbs so far (all in the belly, but still not that much), I'm not terribly tired all the time (OK, I am, but not in the pregnant way), and I have no morning sickness or weird cravings for pickles with ice cream and peanut butter. Well, maybe I kinda do crave those things a little bit, but not all together at the same time. If it weren't for the total lack of periods, I wouldn't even know I was pregnant.
Well, it's about 3:30 am and I really should try to sleep so off I go to bed. Chris likes to sleep with the table fan on mach 4 setting and it's like trying to sleep in a tornado for me. Hopefully he'll be sound asleep so I can turn the damn thing down.
So yeah, mom is dropping hints (I believe) about me being pregnant and Chris being a daddy. Well, at least it wont come as a total surprise. I still have no clue how she will react and I'm not going to hold any silly hopes or naive preconceptions about her reaction. All I know is I can't let her spoil the happiest moment of my life, and if she does I most certainly will never forgive her for it. For that reason, she is the last person on earth to be privy to the news. Shame, isn't it? That's what happens when you torment your daughter all her life.
Speaking of daughters, I think I really like the name Natalie. And I heard it means born around Christmas...which I should look up on the million baby name websites that exist out there. Yep it means born on Christmas day, which could happen cause my due date is December 19. I'm kind of hoping for a cusp baby though. Another cool fact is if the baby is born on December 21, it'll be born on the winter solstice, which is exactly 6 months from my birthday on the summer solstice. Now if it turns out to be a boy, his name has already been picked out and chiseled into stone. Chris knew from the day I told him I was pregnant that his son would be named Waylon Thomas. I had no clue who the country singer he was talking about was, but apparently he's naming the child after Waylon Jennings, who sings "Mama don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" and the theme song to Dukes of Hazzard (which was one of my favorite shows growing up). After hearing his music, I like him too. He has a very mellow soothing voice. I'm kind of fond of the name Waylon Thomas, so that's what the boy's name will be.
I signed up for a pregnancy newsletter called The Bump and every week they send me an email update about my baby in the womb. I think they are going a little too fast for me because the last email was talking about my 11th week and how the baby is the size of a lime now, with fingers and toes formed and hair, tooth and nail follicles forming. The size of a lime! It seems like just a few days ago it was the size of a kidney bean. This newsletter is making everything go too fast! I can't believe that I'm almost done with the first trimester. It's not incredibly obvious that I'm pregnant, either. I've only gained about 5-8 lbs so far (all in the belly, but still not that much), I'm not terribly tired all the time (OK, I am, but not in the pregnant way), and I have no morning sickness or weird cravings for pickles with ice cream and peanut butter. Well, maybe I kinda do crave those things a little bit, but not all together at the same time. If it weren't for the total lack of periods, I wouldn't even know I was pregnant.
Well, it's about 3:30 am and I really should try to sleep so off I go to bed. Chris likes to sleep with the table fan on mach 4 setting and it's like trying to sleep in a tornado for me. Hopefully he'll be sound asleep so I can turn the damn thing down.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
No more jeans...
this is the interior of my Cafe....Well it's official. I cannot wear my jeans anymore. I put on my Hollister size 10's this morning and I could barely breathe or sit down in them all day. I just got home and took them off and there was a red mark all around my belly where the waistband was just cutting into my flesh all day. I'm going to wash those jeans and put them away until next year.
My mom asked me if I gained any weight today and for a second there I held my breath thinking she figured me out (which to be honest, she probably already has but isn't letting on) but then she said, "you know...because of the restaurant and eating all the stuff you make." Yea, I gained weight but not because of the restaurant hahahaha.... no really. I'm obviously gaining weight around the belly and it's not gonna be a secret much longer.
This morning Chris said to me (jokingly) "well, at least your stretch marks are going away." Yeah, I have terrible stretch marks from losing a bunch of weight and now they are smoothing back out cause I'm gaining weight. Oh well, I guess that's a positive way of looking at it, but I still shot him a glance...
I know this blog seems to be more about food than a baby, but guess what I ate today?? Rabbit!! Yes, the soft, furry cute kind. I had one in an enchilada at this fancy restaurant/brewery in midtown with my mom and Chris. It was rabbit enchiladas with carrot puree in a cheese sauce and it was pretty good. Next time we go there I am going to try the antelope burgers. I wanted to try rabbit because I am seriously considering raising rabbits for meat. I did the research and everything and they are very economical to raise for meat. But I wasn't sure if I would like how they tasted so now I know that they are quite tasty actually. Kind of like chicken, but a little more tender and fattier. The waitress told me that the antelope tastes kind of like venison but less gamey, so I am looking forward to trying that cause I like venison.
I can't wait until my first prenatal visit, I am really really anxious to find out if the baby's OK, and if I'm OK and all that stuff. I am probably going to annoy the hell out of whoever my future midwife is because I have a list of questions and concerns. Mainly I just want to make sure everything is going smoothly. I kind of wish they could predict how big I am going to get but then again maybe knowing that isn't such a good idea....
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Pictures
Me & Chris cuddling the dog who loves being the center of affection.
Baby bump or fat roll?? It's a fat roll!!!
Chris loves Bibi.
Chris looking like a complete dork as my kitchen cook at Cafe O! hahahaha!!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Healthcare Finally!
Yay, I finally got confirmation of my Medicaid and Wellcare enrollment! I made my first prenatal appointment with In-town Midwifery on June 2nd. I also applied for the WIC program and have an appointment for that on June 8th. Now all I need to do is find a dentist to take care of these awful toothaches and I will be golden!
So my first prenatal visit will be just right around the beginning of my 2nd trimester and I will have an ultrasound where I get to hear the baby's heartbeat!!! Right now I am at 10 weeks and the baby is the size of a prune, with organs beginning to function and little arms moving around.
Chris will be coming with me to this appointment, but we will have to open the restaurant late in order to make it. I wonder if they will give me a copy of the heartbeat sound file... I will have to ask cause it would be soooo cool to have that!
Still no morning sickness, and I am handling the tiredness pretty well. I come home from work and pass out. I also eat A LOT. Still hovering at 170 lbs, which thank god I'm not gaining anymore weight at the moment cause that really concerns me. I am eating tons and tons of fruit, trying to keep my protein intake high too. I ate half a watermelon by myself in the past 2 days. Watermelon is so freaking good right now. I'm also really big on jalapenos and lemonade. Otis Spunkmeyer cookies are also a weakness...they make a killer Oatmeal Raisin. OH!!! and I FINALLY found a milk substitute that I can handle - Sugar-free Vanilla Almond Milk is the shit! I eat my morning cereal with that and I am good to go! Soy milk was making me feel sick and of course I can't drink cow's milk anymore thanks to being completely lactose intolerant now.
Anyways, keep on thinking of girl names everyone, cause that's the tough one to pick. I got some ideas but none of them have really stood out. I'm not saying it's a girl, but just in case....
So my first prenatal visit will be just right around the beginning of my 2nd trimester and I will have an ultrasound where I get to hear the baby's heartbeat!!! Right now I am at 10 weeks and the baby is the size of a prune, with organs beginning to function and little arms moving around.
Chris will be coming with me to this appointment, but we will have to open the restaurant late in order to make it. I wonder if they will give me a copy of the heartbeat sound file... I will have to ask cause it would be soooo cool to have that!
Still no morning sickness, and I am handling the tiredness pretty well. I come home from work and pass out. I also eat A LOT. Still hovering at 170 lbs, which thank god I'm not gaining anymore weight at the moment cause that really concerns me. I am eating tons and tons of fruit, trying to keep my protein intake high too. I ate half a watermelon by myself in the past 2 days. Watermelon is so freaking good right now. I'm also really big on jalapenos and lemonade. Otis Spunkmeyer cookies are also a weakness...they make a killer Oatmeal Raisin. OH!!! and I FINALLY found a milk substitute that I can handle - Sugar-free Vanilla Almond Milk is the shit! I eat my morning cereal with that and I am good to go! Soy milk was making me feel sick and of course I can't drink cow's milk anymore thanks to being completely lactose intolerant now.
Anyways, keep on thinking of girl names everyone, cause that's the tough one to pick. I got some ideas but none of them have really stood out. I'm not saying it's a girl, but just in case....
Monday, May 16, 2011
I'm Pregnant!
As of today, exactly 9 weeks pregnant. I feel pretty good, considering all the hard work I've been putting in at opening my restaurant. No morning sickness, but sometimes I get slightly queasy. I eat a lot of saltines and cheese, with diet Ginger Ale and I'm fine. I was pretty tired for a couple of weeks but since I'm so busy now I'm just plain exhausted all the time anyways.
Today was a rough day because I keep having to delay the grand opening of my restaurant due to some equipment that still needs to be repaired and I can't find anybody with common sense to fix it for me. I won't go into detail about that, but it is the reason why I am enjoying a TINY glass of red wine right now. I've only taken one sip and I feel like I could go to sleep on my desk right now.
I'm also eating BBQ fried pork skins with my wine. Leave me alone. It was a frustrating day.
I already have a belly forming!! It may just be fat because I'm gaining weight (I gained 5 lbs already!). I weigh 170 lbs now. Well, actually that's how much I weighed a couple weeks ago when I went to the Medical Center to take my official pregnancy test, so I may actually be heavier than that already.
According to a bunch of sources, it would be normal for me to gain between 25-35 lbs. But I heard that Kate Hudson gained 70 lbs with her last baby and she's a toothpick now!
A lot of people have concerns that I may not be getting enough food to support a baby, but trust me, I am eating more than plenty. I've done a lot of research on the topic and there's absolutely no risk to the baby as long as I take enough vitamins. Which I am. Yesterday for lunch I had some weird African cassava leaf curry which looked like grass clipping soup, it was healthy and I ate more of it than I should have, plus an entire apple and a whole banana. In fact, I wolfed the fruit down one right after the other and had to take a few moments while they battled it out in my stomach.
I've been craving a lot of fruits and cheese. Also anything crunchy or with peanut butter. In fact, I think I could eat just about anything put in front of me at this point. For a whole entire week I wanted Sonny's BBQ salad bar so bad I almost cried about it, but I never got to go there. It was very disappointing. So yeah, I'm eating plenty. All I do is eat, eat, eat. I'm probably going to blow up like a whale.
I am a little worried about gestational diabetes because I have a sweet tooth now, which is weird because I never really had a sweet tooth when I was big. Now I just crave crave crave cookies and cake. Ice cream, smoothies, pie.....mmmmmm.
OK enough about food. What else... I wont be able to see a doctor until my Medicaid comes through which is a pain in the butt because the people around here (sorry but this may sound racist, but I do live in downtown Atlanta a.k.a. the Ghetto) don't seem to give a shit about their jobs or being helpful to the people who rely on them to actually DO their jobs. So I'm pretty sure my Medicaid application has gotten lost in the shuffle since it's been almost a month since I filled out the application and I haven't heard a thing back. So I applied again, this time I did it myself online so hopefully that will take.
I have a Midwife picked out that I want to go to for my prenatal care, they are located right across the street from the hospital where I will likely be having the baby - which coincidentally is the same hospital I was born in 32 years ago.
Well... that's about all I have the energy to write about for now. I will try to put up some pictures and add some more information later about Chris - the baby's daddy.
Today was a rough day because I keep having to delay the grand opening of my restaurant due to some equipment that still needs to be repaired and I can't find anybody with common sense to fix it for me. I won't go into detail about that, but it is the reason why I am enjoying a TINY glass of red wine right now. I've only taken one sip and I feel like I could go to sleep on my desk right now.
I'm also eating BBQ fried pork skins with my wine. Leave me alone. It was a frustrating day.
I already have a belly forming!! It may just be fat because I'm gaining weight (I gained 5 lbs already!). I weigh 170 lbs now. Well, actually that's how much I weighed a couple weeks ago when I went to the Medical Center to take my official pregnancy test, so I may actually be heavier than that already.
According to a bunch of sources, it would be normal for me to gain between 25-35 lbs. But I heard that Kate Hudson gained 70 lbs with her last baby and she's a toothpick now!
A lot of people have concerns that I may not be getting enough food to support a baby, but trust me, I am eating more than plenty. I've done a lot of research on the topic and there's absolutely no risk to the baby as long as I take enough vitamins. Which I am. Yesterday for lunch I had some weird African cassava leaf curry which looked like grass clipping soup, it was healthy and I ate more of it than I should have, plus an entire apple and a whole banana. In fact, I wolfed the fruit down one right after the other and had to take a few moments while they battled it out in my stomach.
I've been craving a lot of fruits and cheese. Also anything crunchy or with peanut butter. In fact, I think I could eat just about anything put in front of me at this point. For a whole entire week I wanted Sonny's BBQ salad bar so bad I almost cried about it, but I never got to go there. It was very disappointing. So yeah, I'm eating plenty. All I do is eat, eat, eat. I'm probably going to blow up like a whale.
I am a little worried about gestational diabetes because I have a sweet tooth now, which is weird because I never really had a sweet tooth when I was big. Now I just crave crave crave cookies and cake. Ice cream, smoothies, pie.....mmmmmm.
OK enough about food. What else... I wont be able to see a doctor until my Medicaid comes through which is a pain in the butt because the people around here (sorry but this may sound racist, but I do live in downtown Atlanta a.k.a. the Ghetto) don't seem to give a shit about their jobs or being helpful to the people who rely on them to actually DO their jobs. So I'm pretty sure my Medicaid application has gotten lost in the shuffle since it's been almost a month since I filled out the application and I haven't heard a thing back. So I applied again, this time I did it myself online so hopefully that will take.
I have a Midwife picked out that I want to go to for my prenatal care, they are located right across the street from the hospital where I will likely be having the baby - which coincidentally is the same hospital I was born in 32 years ago.
Well... that's about all I have the energy to write about for now. I will try to put up some pictures and add some more information later about Chris - the baby's daddy.
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